Journal Entry #08

In times of surrender I am shedding my scars. I was sick, but I was set for the stars”

So I made it to my new home. It wasn’t anything like I imagined it. The house is way smaller than I thought it would be and now reality is starting to set in. I hate when that happens.

So my room in the house is one of four. Three of the four rooms are the same size, if I had to guess I’d say they are all about 100-175 sq ft. Big enough for a full sized bed , a small closet and a small dresser. That leaves enough room to walk in and out of the room. I was imagining that my room was going to be roughly 250-300 sq ft but I was terribly mistaken.

The rooms are tiny and I basically have to much stuff. I have too many clothes (that admittedly don’t really fit) and too many boxes. Some how when I start to unpack after writing this I’ll have to figure out how to make this work.

But as I said , reality is setting in. I have moved across the country with no plan , no friends here , no connections (outside of family) and more importantly no income or revenue source. My analytical brain is sounding the “how are we going to pay the bills” alarm. This is now a problem.

I have saved enough money to cover me for this month and partly for next month if I don’t spend on anything else. This means no excess meals , no more morning coffees or even morning monsters. I think it’s safe to say I’m stressed.

But here is my dilemma. I have one side of my brain panicking telling me “stop writing and start looking for a part time job or something!” , then I have another part of my brain telling me “just relax , trust the process. Everything will reveal it self in due time”. I don’t know who to listen to and what voice is trying to sabotage me.

I do know that I need to be a little more grateful for what opportunity I have received here. I’m pretty sure there are plenty of people out there wishing they could pack up and leave their state. But they don’t cause they lack the security and funds to move. I’m going to be living here and not paying any rent so that’s a huge pro that really squashes most of the cons about space. The phrase “beggars can’t be choosers” comes to mind. Although that doesn’t fix my income problem.

Something about this place feels very positive though. I just need to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing next.

Have a blessed day world

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