Ego Prison

Nothing seems to have certainty except for the three phases of existence (birth , life and death).

You ever feel like you wanna do something but your body won’t let you? Sometimes I feel like a prisoner in my own my body.

Not like those people who think they were meant to be a man but they were born female. No , I mean that gut wrenching feeling that you are meant to go in a certain direction but you can’t , you don’t know how or where that direction is. That’s what I feel right now.

To be honest that’s probably not the best description for it , but that’s the best way I can put it into words. I’ve done A LOT of meditation, hours upon hours for the past 3-4 years and there’s a sense you get when you’ve been doing it for that long. The sense is like feeling that your mind and body are two different beings? If that’s a way to put it. Or that the real you is separate from your ego, and your ego puts you in a blind autonomous state, just moving through life without too much thought. It’s a very trapped feeling when you want to get off that conveyor belt of life and move into the direction that you truly want to be. At least the direction that you THINK you want to be.

But now I feel like I’m off topic, there’s a sense in me that I am meant for more. There’s also images in my dreams that I see of possible futures I could have had but my choices led me here and now. (Not trying to get religious in my blog but) God has laid the path for me, and all my dreams I see the same ending. That must be the same for you (the reader) , what ever path in life you must take the ending is the same right? I see myself with some success, moderate fame and enough money that I can live and not worry about the mundane stuff that life throws at me , the stuff I worry about now.

That’s where this feeling is coming from , the Me that doesn’t want the safety of the ego , the me that wants to succeed. But the Egos job is to “protect” the body and mind from harm. It’s so unusual that generally the egos trying to provide cover but really the Ego has stifled so many people from their endeavors. Writers , Painters , Stock Brokers , Blue collar workers , the ego is always interfering.

Oddly enough you kind of separate from it after long meditation sessions and it becomes more manageable and noticeable to the “other you“. That’s about the best you can do without doing DMT or traveling for an Ayahuasca trip. Something I’ve always wanted to do.

I suppose the only option for me at this moment is to just be present , even though I feel that I should be productively working towards something, instead I’m here on my WordPress app writing about my feelings and thoughts , wondering where all the time went.

Have a blessed day world

2 thoughts on “Ego Prison

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  1. Thanks for sharing. That feeling of feeling lost whilst wanting direct must be really difficult. I hope being present does help. It sounds like a good idea to, at least, relieve some of the worrying. Would it be possible to post on my blog, with a link and credit to you?

    Like

    1. Yea it happens to me whenever I look at my sister (she’s a successful model in New York) and my brother (who’s got 750k YouTube subs) makes me feel like I should also be where they are in life since I’m the oldest sibling. A mix of Jealousy and Hopefulness while also being a little lost in life. As for the link , yes sure thing.

      Liked by 1 person

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